Relationships Should Make You BETTER

So, I felt compelled to write a blurb about relationships. I think relationships are such a fascinating thing in the human experience being that we actually get to (for the most part) choose who, how, and why we relate to each other.

That said, I also find it fascinating that many times, we as humans, tend to choose some of the worst situations in which to relate.


Relationships Should Make You BETTER

My wife, she certainly has made me a better man. And, if you’d ask her family, she would say that I made her better as well. I’ve blogged on Blog @DrBenFung in the past about Why Your Relationship is Lonely and 5 Signs You Are Meant To Be.

I want to build on the discussion here.

I believe that relationships should make you better. It should make you better, make areas you are weak stronger, make areas that frustrate you more peaceable, make otherwise presently strained relationships more amicable.

The last thing relationships should do is make you worse. Fight more. Argue more. Be irritable. Take you away from friends & family. Worse your attitude. Screw with your behaviors. THOSE things are HUGE warning signs that things aren’t going well.

Also, that whole problem of guys wanting to save girls or girls wanting to fix the guy… that whole “nice guys finish last” complex is a horrible thing for everyone involved. Good men get passed up for the bad boys. Good women get treated awful by immature dumb dumbs. And, it of course, extrapolates for any and every sway you can imagine.

It’s not who you relate to, it’s how you relate.

I also find that it’s tragic that many women are constantly in this state of emotional pause; waiting for the other shoe to drop… waiting for something terrible to happen… something, some secret they are hiding. The same goes for guys. Guys wait for the girls to go crazy… or just accept that they “are” crazy.

Again, all things BAD about relationships to which people are looking forward to.

It’s kinda tragic.

So, rather than such negativities. Let me offer that relationships that are good for you… ARE GOOD FOR YOU! #ThanksCaptainObvious

But, really… I wouldn’t be writing these thoughts unless I felt they needed to be said. If you take a look at the pure fact that MOST relationships won’t last and/or end the way they began (whether formal/informal, married/unmarried, exclusive/open)… the FACT is that when relating, should we wish for such relationships to be successful, we need to pursue the ones that make us better people, more joyful people, more constructive, more positive, more altruistic, and generally happier in life.

A good relationships makes you happy in who you are as much as you are happy in who you are with.


Well… those are my thoughts.

On a similar note, I’ve been writing out 200+ possible podcast episodes… I’m STILL flirting with this idea of a relationship advice based podcast. Short little nuggets of wisdom. I’m on topic #232. When I get to #260… I’ll have one year’s worth of topics to talk through… maybe by then, I’ll start. AND, of course… I’ll have to incorporate Q&A 😉

6 Years & Then Some

So, this post is kind of an all in one combo post. Things got OUT OF HAND this month. I know, I know… it was supposed to be this catch up month with all of my prelaunch materials. Well, I made a rookie blogger mistake. Well, a pair of rookie blogger mistakes.

First, never slate out posts too far in advance. Many times, those posts just aren’t relevant by the time they arrive on deck for release. Second, catch up posts tend to be inherently out of date… it’s best just to do one big catch up post and move forward. Well… THIS, is my catch up all in one post.

A week ago, on March 20th, my wife and I celebrated our SIXTH wedding anniversary. Yeah. What happened?! 5th year seemed to be… yesterday, maybe? Maybe and possibly a week ago? But, an entire year?! Time flies when you’re married to someone awesome 🙂

It also dawned on me that not only have we been married for 6 years, Nathan has been with us for the better part of half of our years together. That’s a very special thing. And, it really made me appreciate how much of our parenthood is woven into the fabric of our marriage. You know what they say, Be sure you understand that who you marry will also be the parent of your child(ren).

Welps! Here are some highlights!

Nate got tired, and couldn’t even handle it…

And… I mean, REALLY couldn’t even…

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Also, check out this BEAUTY of a view. The trains are out of commission right now as Disneyland is building out Star Wars Land. But, have no fear, the trains are parked strategically for guests to experience on board.

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All together, it’s been amazing. I realized that year 5, quite literally, FLEW by. There’s been a lot that’s been happening. Emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, professionally, parentally, etc. It really struck me that, I need to step back and enjoy these precious moments. Otherwise, it may very well render how we got here meaningless when we forget WHY we started this journey to begin with.

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PS. My wife totally got chased down by some lady who was INTENT on complimenting her for the message on her shirt. Well, I’ll say she is 😉

About Precious Moments

It’s easy to want kids to grow up fast.

ESPECIALLY, when they are toddlers. Yes, they are ridiculously cute at this stage. They are talking… and, talking back. They are walking… and, running away from you into dangerous traffic. They are eating… and, determined to paint the house with dinner. And, they LOVE the word “No!”

Take last night for example: Last night, we didn’t sleep… until it was already “tomorrow.” The time change screwed up our boy… and, it was a ROUGH night. It’s easy in times like this to just wish the kid would GROW UP!

Yet, I’d offer to say this is rather the wrong mindset.We need to ENJOY this little window time we have for precious moments… like these!

Nathan SMASHING his face into me… which he still does. And, I know one sad day… it’ll stop.

 

Or… Nathan getting so happy from playing his favorite game of knocking down blocks… he get’s sad.

 

Or, him getting FURIOUS at me… HOW DARE I TAKE HIM UP TO THE SLIDE… Oh, WAIT! THE SLIDE?!

He WAS angry. Then, became happy. #toddlerlife #lifewithatoddler #DaddyInTheRaw #DadBlog #dadblogger #workathomedad #stayathomedad #toddler

A photo posted by Ben Fung (aka @DrBenFung) (@daddyintheraw) on


I guess the point is this: Life only comes around once. And, you don’t get to rewind the tape and get that time back. Enjoy it! Enjoy (as best you can) those melt downs. Enjoy the emotional weirdness that is toddler life. These are precious moments.

These are the moments I quit an accelerated corporate career for. These are the moments I quit a $6-Figure job for. THESE are the moment I completely derailed the direction in my life… so, that I could be a better father.

5 Things You May Not Know About Me

Let’s get to know each other a little better, shall we?!


5 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I have ADHD.
It may not be super surprising, and yes, I’ve made this public before. Technically, it used to be called “ADD” and I have a LOT of thoughts about what it is, what it should be considered, how to leverage the raw energy of it, etc. I’m planning a post on this later. Suffice to say, it isn’t and shouldn’t be considered a big deal. If you take a look at any kiddo under the age of 3, they all seem to be have “ADD.” Why? Because they are LEARNING! In fact, all that fidgeting “ADHD kids” get in trouble for… it’s actually part of their learning experience. Movement. After all, movement is the first learning experience for babies. #JustSaying

2. I am fairly musical & have perfect pitch.
So, I started learning how to play the piano around age 4’ish? I don’t remember exactly. All I know was that I started playing Mozart stuff at an early age. I was under formal music tutelage until my junior year in high school. By then, I had my hand at the cello, trumpet, drums, percussion, guitar, bass guitar, and some other random things. All the stuff I needed to have go at being a 1-man-band. Well, I found out later in my musical experience that I have something called Perfect Pitch. I guess there are several versions of it and I never knew until I yelled at my sister during a practice duet for constantly missing a super obvious note that should go with the notes I was playing. It was obvious, wasn’t it? Apparently, it wasn’t. After a 30 minute argument, my parents finally figured out I had perfect pitch. They tested me, LOL. They actually had me identify notes they were playing while I closed my eyes to the piano. I got every single one. From then, playing music became a different deal all together. Good times.

3. I love surf fishing!
Despite how active I may seem from the past of surfing and current studies in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I love the peace of fishing. It’s been a very long time since I’ve gone surf fishing — I definitely miss it. I miss the entire process; gathering bait early in the morning, finding a really good spot at night. Or, using left over bait and hunting down a shore with croaker holes and choice areas where fish are gathering for runs. It’s just a really nice way of letting everything unwind; to enjoy the simplicity of being in the water for a single purpose — the experience. If I catch stuff, great! If not, I’ve really enjoyed myself. I usually use light line. Eventually, I’ll spend the money to try my hand at fly fishing the surf. It’s a Southern California thing, apparently… haha. One day 😉

4. I used to stutter.
I was a terrible speaker growing up. In fact, at age 8 or 9, I would send my little sitter up to order from McDonalds and what not — all because I couldn’t finish an order without stuttering myself into complete humiliation. I think it was a combination of my ADD brain going too fast for my body to keep up with — along with the fact that I just lacked the practice. I had absolutely terrifying fears of public speaking throughout elementary and secondary school years. Somewhere in college, I started getting comfortable. It was only toward the end of grad-school round#1 (the DPT) that I began to gather myself as a speaker. Funny enough, I am now considered a fairly decent speaker, having been invited several times to speak at the level of national platforms on health and exercise. #Irony

5. In high school, I was a failure at English.
My least favorite subject in school was always English. I hated reading and writing growing up.

Ironically, I now write for a living!

The thing of it was, I always got bad grades, always disagreed with the teachers on why my grades weren’t good, and basically hated the entire subjectiveness of reading & writing. I hated that I could write up a perfect essay with excellent points, all based on logic. However, the teacher could simply disagree with my points and my would be A grade would turn into a C. Somewhere in the mix, I finally figured out that writing for a teacher is very different than writing for an audience. A teacher has their own agenda. However, an audience wants content they can relate to, connect with, and invest their emotions in. Writing is about turning letters on a page into a timeless experience.