Big Changes Through Summer of 2018 / New Year’s Day 2019 Catch Up

Posted New Year’s Day 2019 …. hahaha.. oi…

Call this another catch all post.

Sadly… finally completed for my New Year’s Day 2019 catch all super release of posts series… ha! So… it is understandably a collection of thoughts… stories… and, isn’t organized in any way. 


So… We Moved!

And.. that’s just the start of it.

It’s been forever… because the entire world changed since basically…… well, honestly SPRING of 2018 (this year). What’s happened?

  1. We had to solve some family affairs for some aging members.
  2. We needed to move.
  3. We needed to sell our condo.
  4. The companies I’m part of grew faster than we anticipated (awesome!).
  5. Kiddo started school.

So… yeah…… 2018… BUSY YEAR!


So, all this started by revisiting some family needs. If you’re an 80s kid like me, there are some family members that are getting older… actually, they are probably close to end of life if we’re being honest.

It’s truth. And, it’s not easy. There are some profoundly deep cultural elements rooted into my family situation; things that have also been lost to reason due to dementia. This… has become a passion point of mine — particularly as a doctor.

When a joint has disease, it hurts… doesn’t move so well. When you have a sinus infection, you get congested and nasty. When you have a stomach bug… you know what happens. But, what happens when your brain ages? When it gets some of its normal wrinkles… the neurologic “skin tear” as it were — well…. the person changes, their behavior changes, the window to their soul… changes.

This was the backdrop of us moving into and out of Spring of 2018 with undisclosed conditions to how to make for a best care situation for some family members.

As a result of this, and, that my companies were growing along with maturing core family situations… not to mention we outgrew our condo the moment Nathan was born — LOTS of changes were looming.


My memory first flashes back to our last night as a family in the only home we’ve known. The condo we’ve lived in for 8+ years is where I carried my bride into the threshold, where our son grew up, where he first walked… all the drama that happened throughout a near decade of living in a place (no matter how chaotic or cramped) one calls “Home.”

So… what did we do? SUSHI.

Sushi has been a tradition to us. It’s what we do when we celebrate. It’s very commonly how we celebrate New Years. It’s what my wife ate (the non-raw stuff) two nights before Nathan was born.

So, we sush’ed it up. Eating on the floor (since everything was packed for our move)… watching Back To The Future in an empty living room, with kiddo more into the movie than we were, LOL!

While watching this, Christina and I looked at each other marveling at how poetic the entire situation was.

A word of wisdom I’ve learned in my youth that I’ve taken as a proverb of sorts has been, “Stand in the shower of blessings.”

Things don’t grow just because… they grow because they are well situated for growth. This is actually related to a keynote I just gave (yesterday, at NARA Fall 2018 conference) on Leadership Innovation. People. Idea. Timing. You can’t control timing. You can change your ideas. And, you can grow your people. Nevertheless, in business, we are all subject to the timing of the marketplace. So, if you situate your company in good timing, you will always win.

Think on the natural environment. The Amazon forest isn’t a jungle “just because.” It’s the world biggest greenery because its in a place with good rain.


So, with all this happening… since Spring, we essentially needed to move out, fix up a place, take care of family business, and progress with our family life — all in 8 weeks. Which meant… we needed to stay in a hotel, AGAIN… for many weeks. We had already done this several rounds… particularly during that epic Father’s Day flooding in this condo that we were moving out of — wasn’t our fault by the way 😉

SO! Managing a housing renovation with all this drama happening… a moment hit me that I suddenly realized it was FOUR YEARS since my corporate management days. FOUR. YEARS.

I can’t imagine any other type of life than this — than a work at home dad. Now, that may progress as Nathan grows. But, the truth is that May 2018 was 4 years since I started this faith journey to build a life around my family to work at home.


I’ll be expanding on a few of these, but felt the urge to simply share some new personal developments:

  1. I’ve taken up a love for BBQ
  2. I took Nathan surfing for the first time this Summer
  3. I’ve experienced the sad irony of the “hopeful lightbulb bounce” – it’s a Sad Irony Moment To Share: During the housing renovation buildout, I dropped a lightbulb from a really high distance; it bounced perfectly off the ground without breaking… and, then… went up… and, then… went down to bounce again. Landing on the floor for the 2nd time from a fraction of the distance, my hope started to waver and then I saw the poor bulb shatter into 1 million pieces. So sad.
  4. Oh, upon moving in to our new home situation, we had a month WITHOUT BLINDS. So, mornings became early…. REALLY early.
  5. I’ve come to make time to think about life. And, this pondering has become truly significant as I’m in my mid-30s. I’m halfway to 70. And, what have I accomplished? How much more needs to be done? If some tragedy were to befall… would I have made a difference? Would I have made a significant impact on peoples LIVES??? Thoughts to think on.

Some words of wisdom, thoughts on relationships/parenting, and exhortations.

  • Encourage. Empower. Equip. This is how you grow your people.
  • There’s a distinction between what you value and what you prioritize.
  • Compromise is a situation where two ore more parties lose a bit less. Collaboration is when they gain a bit more.
  • “The struggle” in relationships isn’t romantic — it’s a RED FLAG. Relationships you fight for due to internal problems doesn’t make it worth it… it makes it forced and otherwise better saved for the movies.
  • Little things matter so much in life. Big things that happen for good or for bad typically come from many little things.
  • In relationships: The idea of someone is a fantasy. Be very careful about falling in love with the idea of someone vs. actually getting to know the real them. I love what my wife says, [paraphrased] The person you marry you should be wholly satisfied with if they were to never change or never grow beyond who they are on that day.
  • If you think someone is angry at you, or, so you think…Then don’t avoid it. Address it!
  • In life you have two choices, you can elevate your problems or your promises. Whatever you elevate, it will cover you.
  • Love, Life, and Learning : 3Ls in all positive relationships.
  • There are “Rs” in life: Reception / Reaction / Response / Relation / Revelation. How you receive the events in your life, how you plan and execute your response, how you relate in new ways…. all these reveal something deeply true about your character.
  • Character is the inner strength to do what’s right.
  • Know your Calling, and walk it daily. — know your truth, and live it out.
  • “Bad couples” tend to drag others down with them — they need for people to suffer with them, otherwise, they become that much more aware of their own failures.

A BIG REALIZATION…

This Spring/Summer of 2018 was truly a stressful time. We were living out of a hotel. We were selling our home. We were renovating our new place. We were growing the companies. THIS of all times, should’ve been a time that Christina and I turned on each other — we didn’t.

In fact, we learned this truth… admittedly, something my wife learned before I did:

Bragging about your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your relationship AND for others — everyone bags (not brags) on each other, not wanting to be the one happy couple when everyone else is suffering.

Which is better? Suffering together with no hope of change? Or, sharing positive experiences to encourage others towards better times?

We also discovered that the Victim’s Mentality is one of the worst things ever. “It’s not my fault.” “It’s not my responsibility.” “It just happened to me.” “You don’t understand.” — it’s the grown up childish version of when parents “Because, I said so.” It’s no way to live life. If you’re in this type of situation, you’ve GOT TO BREAK FREE.


In any case, there’s much more to come. I have literally 5 other post tabs open that I need to wrap up (now, done) — which have been conveniently released as a singular batch on New Year’s Day 2019. The one I’m most excited about is the surprising similarities of an Executive MBA and homeschooling. Say whaaaaaaaaat????? #NotSoPopularPossiblyTooRealThoughtsComingSOON


LAST THING… promise.

 

FIN & Happy New Year!

Business Trip: Round 2

So, I went to Nashville… during CMA week. Yeah… it was nuts.

This means 2 business trips in 2 weeks. My #herowife handled the entire situation at home, including huffing up 1/2 the house for a family reunion in another city.

Now, the trip itself was amazing. But, that’s not what this blog post is about. This post is about the aftermath of this 2nd trip.

First, my son became more attached than EVER. As far as my wife and I can tell, his psychology is functioning with the assumption that if anyone leaves, who knows when they are coming back? And, who knows if they are ever going to come back, at all?

Second, since he’s in the midst of his terrible twos. It’s been hard on me, mentally, to process the fact that I actually need to deal with these communication frustrations… I thought he’d skip it. It was looking that way at least. One can hope…

Thirdly, this last trip really taught me how much I really need to make time for my wife and I, separately as a couple… versus “together” as parents. We need to reconnect and make sure the marriage remains priority.

Well… more to come. It’s been a while on this blog since the last post. *sighs*… it’s just been so busy in life. As it always is, isn’t it???

Business Trip… Round 1

So, last week, I flew out for my 1st business trip in… forever.


Due to the struggles of Pacific Standard Time (West Coast issues)… I had to fly out on a red eye. Got in a 1am local time. Then, couldn’t sleep until 4am local time. Woke up at 6am EST to grab some continental breakfast which… essentially destroyed me the next day (LOL!).

Housekeeping staff came in at 10-1030am. I jumped out of bed and enthusiastically greeted them, thinking it was my business partner.

Made them jump. Heh. OH Well…

Finally around 1030-11am, he shows up, we get some work done… and, head out for an afternoon long business meeting.

The meeting went smoothly, and, we went back to the hotel to drop off our stuff, check out the Kentucky Derby, and finally, head out for some grub. Not knowing how close Louisville is to the Ohio River, we crossed over the bridge into Indiana! At least in Southern California, crossing borders of any type doesn’t come as easy as such.

Finally having had a night out on the town, I stumbled back into the hotel with barely any sleep under my belt. Thanks a lot, jet lag. Well… the 2nd night was no different. I fell asleep from 1030pm-11pm… because, that felt like a nap in Pacific time. Then, from 11pm til 3 or 4am, I watched bits of HBO, spent some time chatting with my wife via Snapchat, surveyed social media… and, waited for the sandman to arrive.

Up early the next day for the flight home, I probably only for another 3 or so hours of sleep.

By the time I was on the 1st plane home, I was so zonked the flight attendant asked if I was okay. 🙁

AND, the 1st flight started in awful condition as the plane had yet to disembark the passengers before lining us up for boarding. Boarding took soooooo long that it delayed the flight to the point where I had only 5 minutes to hoof it over to my connecting flight from Denver back to San Diego.

Seriously… I was worried I was going to miss that flight.

All in all, 3 days for an afternoon meeting. HAHA. Such is life!

I missed my family with immensity. For two years straight, we’ve been around each other every calendar day. In fact, I believe my wife and I, until this point, only spent two calendar days away from each other since we got married.

So yeah… the missing was bad. Real bad.

Well… it won’t be the end. I have a business trip next week, and, more to come throughout this year. Both good & bad, such is the price in working at home. Personally, it’s worth it. Instead of spending 40+ hours a week away from my family, I spend less than that away every couple of months. It’s not a bad deal 😉

Not bad at all.

So… This Is “Work”

I had a fun little Twitter convo earlier this week and it hit me (again) that… “this” is “work.”

Yes… I work from home! And, I’m kind of ruined for the usual corporate lifestyle… “going in” to work. My office is this packed storage’ish place where a lot of toddler, media, workout, jiu jitsu, and miscellaneous overflow exists in the house. It’s a place I establish some time to every once in a while, do some video blogging or broadcasting via #Periscope or Snapchat… I’ve actually taken a liking to Snapchat.

And, then… I’ve been looking back at the big picture. It’s MAY. That means, I’ve been “work at home” for TWO YEARS now. It’s really crazy to think that. Yes… I’ve taken some per diem gigs and some private clients over these past 24 months. However, the bulk of how we’ve been surviving financially has been from me working in this tiny little office, running around after my kid, cooking when I can, or jamming on this laptop at the bar of our kitchen.

It’s really quite crazy, when you stop and think about it. And, it’s awesome, amazing, and a gift of an experience.

What’s really crazy to think about is that… things are actually working out! Yes, it’s still financially a nightmare of sorts. However, it’s the LIFESTYLE I’m after. Of course, should the opportunity come and I get to realize some of my exit strategies that I end up with a big financial bump… yes, that would definitely be appreciated.

Still, I look back and mentally call upon the lovely experiences we’ve had as a family, the closeness I have with my wife, the love, fun, & adoration I have with my boy… how could I give this up?

My hopes and prayers, now, are that this next stage (as it develops) continues to grow this lifestyle along with the finances… that things finally balance out in a direction of growth.

Until Next Time!
-Ben