Big Changes Through Summer of 2018 / New Year’s Day 2019 Catch Up

Posted New Year’s Day 2019 …. hahaha.. oi…

Call this another catch all post.

Sadly… finally completed for my New Year’s Day 2019 catch all super release of posts series… ha! So… it is understandably a collection of thoughts… stories… and, isn’t organized in any way. 


So… We Moved!

And.. that’s just the start of it.

It’s been forever… because the entire world changed since basically…… well, honestly SPRING of 2018 (this year). What’s happened?

  1. We had to solve some family affairs for some aging members.
  2. We needed to move.
  3. We needed to sell our condo.
  4. The companies I’m part of grew faster than we anticipated (awesome!).
  5. Kiddo started school.

So… yeah…… 2018… BUSY YEAR!


So, all this started by revisiting some family needs. If you’re an 80s kid like me, there are some family members that are getting older… actually, they are probably close to end of life if we’re being honest.

It’s truth. And, it’s not easy. There are some profoundly deep cultural elements rooted into my family situation; things that have also been lost to reason due to dementia. This… has become a passion point of mine — particularly as a doctor.

When a joint has disease, it hurts… doesn’t move so well. When you have a sinus infection, you get congested and nasty. When you have a stomach bug… you know what happens. But, what happens when your brain ages? When it gets some of its normal wrinkles… the neurologic “skin tear” as it were — well…. the person changes, their behavior changes, the window to their soul… changes.

This was the backdrop of us moving into and out of Spring of 2018 with undisclosed conditions to how to make for a best care situation for some family members.

As a result of this, and, that my companies were growing along with maturing core family situations… not to mention we outgrew our condo the moment Nathan was born — LOTS of changes were looming.


My memory first flashes back to our last night as a family in the only home we’ve known. The condo we’ve lived in for 8+ years is where I carried my bride into the threshold, where our son grew up, where he first walked… all the drama that happened throughout a near decade of living in a place (no matter how chaotic or cramped) one calls “Home.”

So… what did we do? SUSHI.

Sushi has been a tradition to us. It’s what we do when we celebrate. It’s very commonly how we celebrate New Years. It’s what my wife ate (the non-raw stuff) two nights before Nathan was born.

So, we sush’ed it up. Eating on the floor (since everything was packed for our move)… watching Back To The Future in an empty living room, with kiddo more into the movie than we were, LOL!

While watching this, Christina and I looked at each other marveling at how poetic the entire situation was.

A word of wisdom I’ve learned in my youth that I’ve taken as a proverb of sorts has been, “Stand in the shower of blessings.”

Things don’t grow just because… they grow because they are well situated for growth. This is actually related to a keynote I just gave (yesterday, at NARA Fall 2018 conference) on Leadership Innovation. People. Idea. Timing. You can’t control timing. You can change your ideas. And, you can grow your people. Nevertheless, in business, we are all subject to the timing of the marketplace. So, if you situate your company in good timing, you will always win.

Think on the natural environment. The Amazon forest isn’t a jungle “just because.” It’s the world biggest greenery because its in a place with good rain.


So, with all this happening… since Spring, we essentially needed to move out, fix up a place, take care of family business, and progress with our family life — all in 8 weeks. Which meant… we needed to stay in a hotel, AGAIN… for many weeks. We had already done this several rounds… particularly during that epic Father’s Day flooding in this condo that we were moving out of — wasn’t our fault by the way 😉

SO! Managing a housing renovation with all this drama happening… a moment hit me that I suddenly realized it was FOUR YEARS since my corporate management days. FOUR. YEARS.

I can’t imagine any other type of life than this — than a work at home dad. Now, that may progress as Nathan grows. But, the truth is that May 2018 was 4 years since I started this faith journey to build a life around my family to work at home.


I’ll be expanding on a few of these, but felt the urge to simply share some new personal developments:

  1. I’ve taken up a love for BBQ
  2. I took Nathan surfing for the first time this Summer
  3. I’ve experienced the sad irony of the “hopeful lightbulb bounce” – it’s a Sad Irony Moment To Share: During the housing renovation buildout, I dropped a lightbulb from a really high distance; it bounced perfectly off the ground without breaking… and, then… went up… and, then… went down to bounce again. Landing on the floor for the 2nd time from a fraction of the distance, my hope started to waver and then I saw the poor bulb shatter into 1 million pieces. So sad.
  4. Oh, upon moving in to our new home situation, we had a month WITHOUT BLINDS. So, mornings became early…. REALLY early.
  5. I’ve come to make time to think about life. And, this pondering has become truly significant as I’m in my mid-30s. I’m halfway to 70. And, what have I accomplished? How much more needs to be done? If some tragedy were to befall… would I have made a difference? Would I have made a significant impact on peoples LIVES??? Thoughts to think on.

Some words of wisdom, thoughts on relationships/parenting, and exhortations.

  • Encourage. Empower. Equip. This is how you grow your people.
  • There’s a distinction between what you value and what you prioritize.
  • Compromise is a situation where two ore more parties lose a bit less. Collaboration is when they gain a bit more.
  • “The struggle” in relationships isn’t romantic — it’s a RED FLAG. Relationships you fight for due to internal problems doesn’t make it worth it… it makes it forced and otherwise better saved for the movies.
  • Little things matter so much in life. Big things that happen for good or for bad typically come from many little things.
  • In relationships: The idea of someone is a fantasy. Be very careful about falling in love with the idea of someone vs. actually getting to know the real them. I love what my wife says, [paraphrased] The person you marry you should be wholly satisfied with if they were to never change or never grow beyond who they are on that day.
  • If you think someone is angry at you, or, so you think…Then don’t avoid it. Address it!
  • In life you have two choices, you can elevate your problems or your promises. Whatever you elevate, it will cover you.
  • Love, Life, and Learning : 3Ls in all positive relationships.
  • There are “Rs” in life: Reception / Reaction / Response / Relation / Revelation. How you receive the events in your life, how you plan and execute your response, how you relate in new ways…. all these reveal something deeply true about your character.
  • Character is the inner strength to do what’s right.
  • Know your Calling, and walk it daily. — know your truth, and live it out.
  • “Bad couples” tend to drag others down with them — they need for people to suffer with them, otherwise, they become that much more aware of their own failures.

A BIG REALIZATION…

This Spring/Summer of 2018 was truly a stressful time. We were living out of a hotel. We were selling our home. We were renovating our new place. We were growing the companies. THIS of all times, should’ve been a time that Christina and I turned on each other — we didn’t.

In fact, we learned this truth… admittedly, something my wife learned before I did:

Bragging about your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your relationship AND for others — everyone bags (not brags) on each other, not wanting to be the one happy couple when everyone else is suffering.

Which is better? Suffering together with no hope of change? Or, sharing positive experiences to encourage others towards better times?

We also discovered that the Victim’s Mentality is one of the worst things ever. “It’s not my fault.” “It’s not my responsibility.” “It just happened to me.” “You don’t understand.” — it’s the grown up childish version of when parents “Because, I said so.” It’s no way to live life. If you’re in this type of situation, you’ve GOT TO BREAK FREE.


In any case, there’s much more to come. I have literally 5 other post tabs open that I need to wrap up (now, done) — which have been conveniently released as a singular batch on New Year’s Day 2019. The one I’m most excited about is the surprising similarities of an Executive MBA and homeschooling. Say whaaaaaaaaat????? #NotSoPopularPossiblyTooRealThoughtsComingSOON


LAST THING… promise.

 

FIN & Happy New Year!

Michigan: March 2018 — Thoughts, Musings, Reflections

Soulful thoughts in 3… 2… 1


Okay… after this paragraph.

So, in an incredible round about way, I was invited out to the Michigan Physical Therapy Association for their Student Conclave 2018 conference to speak on career development and job market readiness. It also so happens to be where I’m from (which is a hilarious gag when people ask me “Hey, where you from?” And, I say the heart of automotive America… and, they kinda go “Huh?”); and, where much of my paternal in-laws family hails from (literally, Ann Arbor, #HailToTheVictors #GoBlue #MichiganWolverines). And, if you know my academic past, you also know that I got my MBA from the University of Michigan. AND… despite the loss, I’m still proud of my team for their run in #MarchMadness2018.

SO… ANYHOO…..


  ONWARD WITH THE REAL POST!


The real reason for this post was that this trip offered me some concentrated family time and helped me recenter on this very path of working at home… creating now two businesses and supporting the vision of growth using the technological levers we now have that allow for such a lifestyle.

Was was remarkable was the amount of reflection time I had on the severely delayed flight out to Michigan… all the driving we had to do around the state… and, the joy of juggling the time change. PS… Michigan is seriously more East that West, LOL! #PSTissues…

When it all became said and done, I realized some life lessons (both core centric and just for fun’sies) I wanted to better grasp for myself and pass on to Nathan as his father. I want my son to learn:

  1. To be mentally tough.
  2. To be physically tough.
  3. To be emotionally perceptive.
  4. To learn how to cook using cast iron.
  5. To experience martial arts, team sports, and the glory of suffering a hard won task.
  6. Survival skills, urban, oceanic, bushcraft, etc…
  7. First aid, CPR, and emergency response.
  8. To find a passion he can geek out on.
  9. To fail, miserably… and, learn from that failure.
  10. To pick himself back up.
  11. To work under the authority and command of others.
  12. To sell — an idea, a product, a service… to learn the art of meaningful communication.

While in Michigan, it was peaceful. There was a countryside… something you don’t get in the urban environments of big cities, especially in SoCal.

  • There was open country, minutes from downtown Ann Arbor.
  • I was reminded the balance in life is dynamic — you have to keep moving if you are to keep up.
  • I remembered my thoughts about “Physicist” Steven Hawking’s passing… and, I thought to myself how I’d want to be remembered? And, that I must work toward that goal. Ultimately, I think it comes down to philanthropist and/or inspirationalist (regardless of what prior meaning it may have had in the past) — essentially, if I am to be known… I wish to be known for the positive impact I’ve had in the lives of others.
  • It was fun to be in a town where people could live off the land — free range chickens and all… it’s something I’ve always had an interest in.
  • Ann Arbor, being an older town… it has history, charm, personality… a romance, even.
  • Talking to some family and seeing just that different approach in life of the MidWest, one can appreciate that college grads are truly adults, ready to contribute to society… rather than what I fear more and more college graduates are becoming… over educated children still trying to find their way… a cost of a failing-phobic culture and stressed out system of education producing a generally economic welfare that has more uncertainty than it does stability. But, hey… when was human history really that stable??? LOL.. so much for ending this list on a positive note.

I was pleasantly reminded that life isn’t about the “whats”… the achievements. It’s about pursuits… HOW you live your life and WHY. And, to be honest, I was very much attracted to the possibility of living life, honestly and off the land. It’s always been a romance for me — the reality is probably way different 😉


All together, I was thinking a lot on this trip… soul searching… not that I was lost or had something to find. I was merely taking the available time that I had hustled to earn to take time, appreciate, and reflect.

It’s an amazing time.

People can work for companies, miles and miles away. The need for a brick and mortar situation is become less and less a requirement of business and general commerce. Information asymmetry has become less so a thing… so much so that organizations that try to safeguard their secrets actually get punished in the marketplace for doing so… being seen as devious or maliciously trying to hide things.

I guess the other crazy thing is that we’re coming up on three years of me doing this from home. It hasn’t been easy… not in any way. But, has it been worth it? Immeasurably. I can’t even imagine giving my son or my family the type of lifestyle we’ve been having in any other way. Can it, could it, would it come crashing down… I’d still say its worth it. In these formative years, I’m seeing that my son has become a sweet, caring, positive minded kid. He’s not afraid to tussle with me and fight like a crazy person to get out of controlled Jiu Jitsu positions… or, to slam on my focus mitts as if he was training Muay Thai… all before the age of 5 😉

He loves music, spontaneously dances… and, regularly tells my wife and myself that he loves us — all without prompting and just out of the joy of his little heart.

All to say… I think we’re doing something right.

It’s easy to be in negative moments… wondering if the path you are on is any good, or perhaps was a terrible mistake. I’d advise you to take a step back and consider those who are most dear to you… how are they? And, how are they to you, and you to they? If you and yours ultimately have joy and joy abundantly… then, I’d say you’re doing pretty good. And, if there’s room for more, whether by improvement, by growing the capacity you have to love on them… anything of that nature… then chase it, pursue it, and don’t let it go until you have it!

So much for random musings, thoughts, and straight typing… Have a good one!

Family Day – April 29th, 2017

We had the opportunity to nab a wonderful afternoon out in San Diego as a family. We also had the pleasure of having our good friend, Phu (“Uncle Phu”) join us for the fun. Sometimes, it’s just important to take a day.

Remember, if you structure your work around your life vs. the other way around… then, it’s all play 🙂

Okay. That’s it from this Work at Home Dad Blogger. Until next time!!!!!

A Wedding and A Surfboard

So…! It’s been pretty busy. There is constantly stuff I want to share. Honestly, I’m starting to consider switching my format into a video blog vs. written content. Two reasons: (1) it’s faster, and, (2) it’s just faster. LOL! If you’re a parent… you get it. Which reminds me of a funny thing I saw on Facebook re: people saying they are “Tired” & don’t have kids.


And, in case you want a quick laugh, check this one out. Nathan cannot get enough & will dance exactly like it!


Okay. Enough distractions. On to the post!

So, my best man got married! CRAZY. Haha, it all went so fast. I found out. Three months later. Boom. Married. I also had the pleasure of being his wedding MC. I probably should’ve jabbed a bit more at him; but, honestly, I prefer weddings to be clean, joyous, and a pure celebration. No need for shenanigans… no matter how socially expected it may be.

All to say, seeing my best man married got me thinking about my boy. In as possibly quick as 15 years, he could get married. That, was a daunting thought. It means I have 15 years to make sure he turns into an honorable, kind, caring, self sufficient, and socially contributory man.

I am VERY glad I have my wife in this quest. After all, she is a #HeroWife.


In addition to that big development, I also recently took up surfing.

See… years ago, I was a hardcore surfer. I mean, when the surf advisory was up, that means I was out surfing that nonsense. There were waves I rode that I had no business even thinking about. Many times, I’d come out of these obscure local spots where only a few people were looking on. After I was done, people would shake my hand and tell me I did great.

I was all confused. They were just waves. That was, until I turned around… and, saw the MONSTERS I was riding. Surfers were like little dots. And, I was one of those dots!

Ultimately, back in 2009 or early 2010, I went out to one of my favorite spots. Unfortunately, things went poorly. Tide went out, reef got exposed, and the waves jacked up 50% higher than anyone was prepared for. I sat there, bobbing around and dodging huge waves… wondering if I would ever get back in. Plus, we were getting swept out to the kelp beds due to the current. NOT GOOD.

After that time, I basically quit surfing. I felt it was too selfish of me to go on doing stuff like that.

Well… this summer, one of my best buds dragged me back into the water. The water temperature in San Diego was 75 degree F… warmer than the air temperature, many mornings and evenings.

Suffice to say, surfing is back in my life. And, it’s really nice to be back in the water. It’s also nice to feel like a smarter/wiser surfer. I feel I’m actually better at surfing now, even after taking such a long break. I think what has changed is that I’m much more judicious of the water conditions and the waves I go for. I need to be safe as much as I need to be having fun.

It’s not about me, anymore.

What connects surfing and fatherhood came when I started noticing a LOT of dads taking their kids out to learn how to surf. It spanned all ages; from 7-8yo to mid-teens. It was really cool to see. The kids were TALENTED, too. Now, other than teaching Nathan about the world at large and introducing him to martial arts… I can’t wait to take him surfing!


Oh, it was also kinda cool to see this blog on Top Dad Bloggers, again!

And, this…

Yup. #dadblogger #parentingblogger #Snapchat #starwars #starwarsfan #chewbacca

A video posted by Ben Fung (aka @DrBenFung) (@daddyintheraw) on